"Every person that reaches out for help gives a small glimpse of their unshakable strength because simply reaching out is an act of bravery."

Support Services
What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence (also called intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic abuse or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.
Domestic violence does not discriminate. Anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender can be a victim – or perpetrator – of domestic violence. It can happen to people who are married, living together or who are dating. It affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
Am I in a Healthy Relationship?
Safety Plan
Safety While Living With An Abusive Partner
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Identify your partner’s use and level of force so that you can assess the risk of physical danger to you and your children before it occurs. -
Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move to those areas. -
Don’t run to where the children are, as your partner may hurt them as well. -
If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target. Dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined. -
If possible, have a phone accessible at all times and know what numbers to call for help. Know where the nearest public phone is located. Know the phone number to your local shelter. If your life is in danger, call the police. -
Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your situation and develop a plan and visual signal for when you need help. -
Teach your children how to get help. Instruct them not to get involved in the violence between you and your partner. Plan a code word to signal to them that they should get help or leave the house. -
Tell your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is being violent. Tell them that neither you, nor they, are at fault or are the cause of the violence, and that when anyone is being violent, it is important to stay safe. -
Practice how to get out safely. Practice with your children. -
Plan for what you will do if your children tells your partner of your plan or if your partner otherwise finds out about your plan. -
Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible. -
Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping it fueled. Keep the driver’s door unlocked and others locked — for a quick escape. -
Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you. -
Create several plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day or night.
Safety Planning With Children
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Teach your children when and how to call 911. -
Instruct them to leave the home if possible when things begin to escalate, and where they can go. -
Come up with a code word that you can say when they need to leave the home in case of an emergency — make sure that they know not to tell others what the secret word means. -
In the house: identify a room they can go to when they’re afraid and something they can think about when they’re scared. -
Instruct them to stay out of the kitchen, bathroom and other areas where there are items that could be used as weapons. -
Teach them that although they want to protect their parent, they should never intervene. -
Help them make a list of people that they are comfortable talking with and expressing themselves to. -
Enroll them in a counseling program. Local service providers often have children’s programs.
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Brainstorm with your children (if they are old enough) to come up with ways that they can stay safe using the same model as you would for your own home. Have them identify where they can get to a phone, how they can leave the house, and who they can go to. -
If it’s safe to do, send a cell phone with the children to be used in emergency situations — this can be used to call 911, a neighbor or you if they need aid.
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Avoid exchanging custody at your home or your partner’s home. -
Meet in a safe, public place such as a restaurant, a bank/other area with lots of cameras, or even near a police station. -
Bring a friend or relative with you to the exchanges, or have them make the exchange. -
Perhaps plan to have your partner pick the children up from school at the end of the day after you drop them off in the morning – this eliminates the chances of seeing each other. -
Emotional safety plan as well – figure out something to do before the exchange to calm any nerves you’re feeling, and something after to focus on yourself or the kids, such as going to a park or doing a fun activity.
Safety Planning With Pets
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The Animal Welfare Institute offers additional tips for safety planning with pets. -
Organizations like Georgia-based Ahimsa House and Littlegrass Ranch in Texas offer advice for safety planning with animals, especially with non-traditional animals like horses that are more difficult to transport. -
Red Rover offers different grant programs to enable victims to leave their abusive partners without having to leave their pets behind. The grants must be submitted by a shelter worker.
Safety Planning During Pregnancy
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If you’re pregnant, there is always a heightened risk during violent situations. If you’re in a home with stairs, try to stay on the first floor. Getting into the fetal position around your stomach if you’re being attacked is another tactic that can be instrumental in staying safe. -
Doctor’s visits can be an opportunity to discuss what is going on in your relationship. -
If your partner goes to these appointments with you, try to find a moment when they’re out of the room to ask your care provider (or even the front desk receptionist) about coming up with an excuse to talk to them one-on-one. -
If you’ve decided to leave your relationship, a health care provider can become an active participant in your plan to leave.
Emotional Safety Planning
Often, emphasis is placed on planning around physical safety, but it’s important to consider your emotional safety as well. Emotional safety can look different for different people, but ultimately it’s about developing a personalized plan that helps you feel accepting of your emotions and decisions when dealing with abuse. Below are some ideas for how to create and maintain an emotional safety plan that works for you.
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Teach your children when and how to call 911. -
Instruct them to leave the home if possible when things begin to escalate, and where they can go. -
Come up with a code word that you can say when they need to leave the home in case of an emergency — make sure that they know not to tell others what the secret word means. -
In the house: identify a room they can go to when they’re afraid and something they can think about when they’re scared. -
Instruct them to stay out of the kitchen, bathroom and other areas where there are items that could be used as weapons. -
Teach them that although they want to protect their parent, they should never intervene. -
Help them make a list of people that they are comfortable talking with and expressing themselves to. -
Enroll them in a counseling program. Local service providers often have children’s programs.
-
Brainstorm with your children (if they are old enough) to come up with ways that they can stay safe using the same model as you would for your own home. Have them identify where they can get to a phone, how they can leave the house, and who they can go to. -
If it’s safe to do, send a cell phone with the children to be used in emergency situations — this can be used to call 911, a neighbor or you if they need aid.
-
Avoid exchanging custody at your home or your partner’s home. -
Meet in a safe, public place such as a restaurant, a bank/other area with lots of cameras, or even near a police station. -
Bring a friend or relative with you to the exchanges, or have them make the exchange. -
Perhaps plan to have your partner pick the children up from school at the end of the day after you drop them off in the morning – this eliminates the chances of seeing each other. -
Emotional safety plan as well – figure out something to do before the exchange to calm any nerves you’re feeling, and something after to focus on yourself or the kids, such as going to a park or doing a fun activity.
Leaving a Relationship: Preparing to Leave
Because violence could escalate when someone tries to leave, here are some things to keep in mind before you leave:
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Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures of injuries. -
Keep a journal of all violent incidences, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible. Keep your journal in a safe place. -
Know where you can go to get help. Tell someone what is happening to you. -
If you are injured, go to a doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you. Ask that they document your visit. -
Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them, like a room with a lock or a friend’s house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you. -
Contact your local shelter and find out about laws and other resources available to you before you have to use them during a crisis. WomensLaw.org has state by state legal information. -
Acquire job skills or take courses at a community college as you can. -
Try to set money aside or ask friends or family members to hold money for you.
Leaving a Relationship: When you Leave
Leaving a Relationship: After you Leave
Your safety plan should include ways to ensure your continued safety after leaving an abusive relationship. Here are some safety precautions to consider:
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Change your locks and phone number. -
Call the telephone company to request caller ID. Ask that your phone number be blocked so that if you call anyone, neither your partner nor anyone else will be able to get your new, unlisted phone number. -
Change your work hours and the route you take to work. -
Change the route taken to transport children to school or consider changing your children’s schools. -
Alert school authorities of the situation. -
If you have a restraining order, keep a certified copy of it with you at all times, and inform friends, neighbors and employers that you have a restraining order in effect. -
Call law enforcement to enforce the order and give copies of the restraining order to employers, neighbors and schools along with a picture of the offender. -
Consider renting a post office box or using the address of a friend for your mail (be aware that addresses are on restraining orders and police reports, and be careful to whom you give your new address and phone number). -
Reschedule appointments that the offender is aware of. -
Use different stores and frequent different social spots. -
Alert neighbors and request that they call the police if they feel you may be in danger. -
Replace wooden doors with steel or metal doors. Install security systems if possible. -
Install a motion sensitive lighting system. -
Tell people you work with about the situation and have your calls screened by one receptionist if possible.Tell people who take care of your children or drive them/pick them up from school and activities. Explain your situation to them and provide them with a copy of the restraining order.
Calling 911
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